Discovering Green River - Discovering the Consejo - Discovering My Self

Two-month anniversary in my sitio of Rioverde - or as it's colloquially referred to by my new friend Claudia (a local Rioverdense, so she has the right to call it names), ‘Green River Ranch.’

So what's it like in this rural pueblo smack in the center of Mexico? It's a myriad of contradictions, a roller-coaster of altas y abajos. But today's a good day, nothing's wrong, no Montezuma's revenge or homesickness. a quiet Sunday, warm and sunny, breeze through the vertical blinds, Internet is working, ideas are flowing. My host family is gone for the afternoon and I find myself reflecting...

Yes, I'm settling in, actually pretty happy some days, most days, feeling relatively safe and secure here...despite narco news and armed military presence in Plaza Principal. I feel cared for by new friends and ‘family’, engaged if not getting rapidly over-engaged in projects, to the chagrin of my Peace Corps bosses who remind me the first three months are meant to be dedicated to learning, Goals 2 y 3, not doing. And I know they are right; but I learn by doing.

And hence, I'm doing a lot, diving in, making sense of the life and culture here - and some days that’s more confounding as time goes on, as my Spanish improves, as the layers of politeness wear-off revealing the truth, personal agendas, raw humanness, a culture of distrust. Or maybe it’s me, the gringa, creating it, bringing my hard driving good ideas and intentions to the mesa – and maybe it’s not enough.

I don’t necessarily like this, but I have to face it...the truth that this is not easy…this fitting in, finding my space, finding my home here …when maybe what I have to say or do is not particularly welcomed with open arms or minds.

But I forge ahead…with Patience & Perseverance…my new mantra; try to focus my energy where it will at least do no harm.

I start my yoga class on Thursday night with the Nutrispa chicas and their nutrition clients. They are posting things on Facebook about it, and that’s making me nervous. I’ve never taught a yoga class before, much less a class of complete beginners across a language and culture divide! But I forge ahead, because you never know where something will lead.

Taking just one step, one action, following through on an intention to have yoga in my life again, to share it with the girls at the spa, because there is no place else to practice in Green River Ranch except on the floor of my quarto – this intention is leading me to learn more deeply about the ancient tradition of yoga, the union of mind and body through the breath, and the more practical side: how to translate ‘downward dog' to Spanish!

I tell myself no harm can come of this…to share a practice like this, steeped in a tradition of mindfulness, even with the ricos, the ladies of Rioverde who can afford spa treatments. And this is a relief. It’s a practice that can and should be taken, stolen, used, spread, shared – and it can only lead to more good (plus a few free facials in exchange).

But there are times, after two months on site, where I feel timid about taking any action - I'm almost paralyzed - for fear of it being the wrong action with the wrong group of people at the wrong time – or any one of the above. Paulo Freire talks about the insidiousness of oppression – how despite best intentions, we can become part of the problem; in 'helping' we can reinforce the status quo and the belief by the people that they cannot possibly do it themselves.

I turned down teaching positions at two universities just this last week because I wasn’t sure – the arguments compelling, my desire to help strong…but needing time to see, to sense, where can I best be of service? Am I really ready to teach a brand new course in Marketing or Consulting or Non-Profit Management – in Spanish? Will I really be helping the students? MySelf? I don’t even believe in marketing, I told Mario, the University director. But this did not faze him. He needed me, a free resource, an American perspective, an experiment, he called it. Next semester, I promised him, when the experiment can be a little better controlled - and I know more.

Moreover, I am beginning to wonder about my work with the Consejo on Sustainability – my primary assignment and reason for being here in Rioverde. This group of six educated citizens - representatives from academia, business, agriculture, government, ecology, social services - was selected by a joint committee of Mayor’s office and SEMARNAT and Peace Corps representatives (including myself) to represent the people of Rioverde in promoting a UN sustainability initiative called Agenda 21.

Are they the right group with whom to direct my energy? Are their intentions good? Are they ready to represent the people? Are they open to learning and sharing? They are an intelligent bunch and willing to give up their time and energy to serve as volunteers on this board, providing the links between the government and the people of Rioverde, trying to create a culture of awareness of the environment and social needs, and take actions that serve the greater good.

Yet we have just barely begun, the group has taken their oath in Cabildo, and already there is resistance: swirling conversations that lead nowhere, their focus on external forces out of their control, and underlying tone of blame (of the government for their corruption and the people for their apathy), and perhaps underneath that, anger, shame, and forgetting (or not believing) that the answers LIE WITHIN THEM.

I do believe that. It’s the reason I left Washington and joined the Peace Corps – to escape the marble halls where it’s all just talk and work with people on the ground where real change happens.

This is at the heart of my assignment – to help the Consejo believe that too – see that in the others that they will serve – the people in the communities - like Rose in Magdalenas with her center de salud made of trash bottles or Chuey in San Jose supporting the family with her palm jewelry. And in turn, we help la gente see that in themselves - so the change truly comes from them. It's the only way.

Coming together as a small group will be that first step. And that is my goal for this first workshop with the Consejo – to help them understand themselves a little bit better, their motives for participation, and their fellow board-members as well – so that can start the shift from a random collection of people waiting at a bus stop to group with a common purpose and desire for collective action. And maybe in that process, I will better understand my Self and my motives too.